SINGAPORE – My dad passed away on Feb 25, 2023. He would have been 91 in 2024.

He lived to a ripe old age. He left behind my mum, 84, and four adult children. I am the youngest of the four. All of us are married and have given our parents 10 grandchildren among us.

That Saturday morning, when we received the call from my mum, we rushed down to their house. I saw my dad lying on the sofa of the living room. He was covered with a white sheet.

Mum told us that dad had been struggling in the toilet. When she went to help him, he fell into her arms. He took his final breath in that position. That was his last goodbye to her.

Mum told us that his death was not unexpected. She said that when it is time to go, it is time to go.

Dad came to Singapore before the war to live with his cousins. He once told us that he was at their beck and call and made to serve them. He lived his life with fortitude and quiet acceptance.

But we know dad as someone who kept to himself. He went about his days quietly doing the chores, even if he had to bear twice the load. Maybe that is a Hainanese trait. We keep our nose clean and mind our own business.

Dad found the love of his life in my mum. I have seen photographs of her when she was young and she was a beauty.

I was told that dad also took care of my mum’s siblings when they needed a roof over their heads. He contributed to their school fees and put food on the table.

When I was growing up, my dad was the sole breadwinner. He was a silent provider, a man of few words. That was his love language. He believed that actions spoke louder than words.

One vivid memory of my dad was when I came back from London after my Bar exam. When he saw me, he smiled. We attempted to embrace. It was a rare moment of father-and-son bonding in public. It was also the most awkward 3.7 seconds of my life.

As my dad hugged me, he uttered: “I’m proud of you.” And those words came back to me when I saw him lying motionless on the sofa that day.

Two days before he died, he was rather apologetic when I visited him. He said: “Don’t need to come, I am okay. Spend with family. If busy, don’t need to come.”

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These were the words of a stoic father, who never wanted to trouble others, even his own flesh and blood. Towards the end, reduced to skin and bones, he still insisted on being the strong support for us.

I recall my wedding day 24 years ago when I paid tribute to him. I struggled with the words, but meant them with all my heart when I said: “Thanks dad, for being there for us, for mum. You ran the good race. Soon, it will be my turn. I hope you kept notes.”

Dad’s love was in his faithfulness to his marriage. His love was in providing for the family. His love spoke volumes in the way he tried his best to be a father to us.

After my speech, we hugged that night. This time, it lasted more than 3.7 seconds. And it was less awkward. I guess practice makes perfect.

My dad lived his life the best he knew how.

He persevered through the good and bad times. When times were bad, he held his tongue and soldiered on.

A hero is not necessarily one who basks in glorious deeds before a cheering crowd. He can be one who quietly labours away, staying faithful to the call of family and fatherhood.

Thanks, dad, for being that hero to us. And happy first anniversary.

Michael Han is a father of three and managing partner of a legal firm.

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how to.help yr child

SINGAPORE - Children have felt the impact of Covid-19 keenly in their lives, as the pandemic has disrupted their daily routines, including their schooling and socialising.

Social service agencies have observed that more children and youth have been approaching them in the past two years for a range of reasons, from feeling lonely and trapped to being stressed.

Tinkle Friend, which provides support for primary school children and is run by the Singapore Children's Society (SCS), recorded 6,033 online chats and calls last year, up from 5,085 in 2019.

Touchline, a hotline for youth, saw a nearly 36 per cent spike in calls last year compared with 2019. This year, the figure grew by about 14 per cent as at October, compared with the same period last year.

Touch Mental Wellness logged more than 100 cases of young people aged 12 to 21 needing help this year as at October. It handled about 30 cases in 2019.

Parents can look out for signs that their children need some extra support amid the pandemic.

Ms Andrea Chan, assistant director of Touch Mental Wellness, which provides mental health services and education, says that children, especially the younger ones, are often unable to articulate words like "stressed" or "frustrated".

"They express their emotions in psychosomatic ways such as having a headache, fever or stomachache," she says.

"If a child regularly has these complaints but medical reasons have been ruled out, chances are that it is an expression of stress."

Other symptoms include trouble concentrating, lower energy levels, being more irritable or changes to appetite and sleep.

Ms Joy Lim, director and head of children outreach at SCS, says children may display internalising or externalising behaviours when they experience difficult emotions.

Internalising behaviours include mood swings, becoming withdrawn or losing appetite and interest in activities that used to excite them, she says.

Examples of externalising behaviour are temper tantrums and showing defiance.

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Here are some ways parents can help their children manage their feelings.

Be open about stress

Ms Wong Ying Li, assistant director and head of specialised services division at Fei Yue Community Services, says that for parents to be able to help their children, they, too, first need to practise self-care and be aware of how the pandemic may be affecting them.

Ms Chan says parents can talk openly about what stresses them and how they cope with it.

"Having such conversations sends the message to the child or youth that it is okay to be vulnerable and they can model healthy coping methods and strategies from their parents," she adds.

Listen to your child

Parents can also have conversations with their children about what stress looks or feels like for them, says Ms Chan.

Ms Lim says one way is to reach out to the child in settings that he or she feels safe, like during a meal or when out on a walk.

"Go at the child's pace. If the child doesn't seem to want to talk at first, don't be too pushy and revisit the topic at another time when he or she is relaxed," she adds.

Parents must listen and not be quick to jump to conclusions too, she says, adding that they should not overreact or get emotional as well as it may hinder the child's willingness to share further.

Bond as a family

Experts say that parents should also set aside time for bonding activities, such as reading with younger children or having meals with older ones.

Ms Chan says that families can also explore ways to manage stress together, over a game or movie night, for instance.

Develop coping strategies

Ms Chan advises parents to help their children discover coping strategies that work for them and find what makes them feel better. "If it is singing, encourage them to sing when they are stressed," she says.

"Teach them to use 'I can' and 'I am' statements daily", as these positive statements can help children to build confidence and manage their stressors, she adds.

Getting help

• Helplines

  • National Care Hotline:
  1800-202-6868 (8am - 12am)

  Mental well-being

  • Institute of Mental Health’s Mental Health Helpline:
  6389-2222 (24 hours)

  • Samaritans of Singapore:
  1800-221-4444 (24 hours) /1-767 (24 hours)

  • Singapore Association for Mental Health:
  1800-283-7019

  • Silver Ribbon Singapore:
  6386-1928

  • Tinkle Friend:
  1800-274-4788 and www.tinklefriend.sg

  • Community Health Assessment Team:
  6493-6500/1 and www.chat.mentalhealth.sg

  Counselling

  • TOUCHline (Counselling):
  1800-377-2252

  • TOUCH Care Line (for seniors, caregivers):
  6804-6555

  • Care Corner Counselling Centre:
  1800-353-5800

  Online resources

  • mindline.sg

  • My Mental Health

  • Fei Yue’s Online Counselling Service

  • Tinkle Friend

  • Community Health Assessment Team

substance over form

SINGAPORE - Clothes make a man. Dress for success. The client's first impression of you comes from what you have on.

These were a few choice lessons drilled into us young recruits at the Economic Development Board (EDB) in the late 1990s.

We were taught how to power dress, groom ourselves, give presentations and how to dine at official functions.

The guys were told to wear dark-coloured suits, light-coloured shirts and bright neck ties. Women were told to wear knee-length skirts, pale-coloured blouses and matching jackets.

Nothing was left to chance because we were emissaries for Singapore to foreign investors from around the world. Even the smallest details, like the type of scents we wore, were governed. We were advised against wearing certain perfumes and colognes because the scents might be too strong, and might leave a poor impression on what people thought of Singapore.

Besides dressing well during office hours, we were instructed to dress like we were going to meet the chief executive of our most important customer, during off-hours, even on weekends.

The EDB instructions represented a radical change to the way I dressed, as I was more of a shorts and T-shirt kind of guy. It never sat well with me, but nevertheless, I conformed.

I secretly cheered the dot-com boom and the rise of the tech industry not just because of the disruption of industry structures and business models, but more importantly, because tech disrupted how business executives dressed to conduct business.

The rise of tech popularised the concept of business casual. Suits and ties gave way to sneakers and hoodies. Apple co-founder Steve Jobs with his turtlenecks, Microsoft co-founder Bill Gates with his matching track shoes and jeans. How these tech titans dressed resonated with me. Often, they looked like they had just rolled out of bed - unkempt, filthy rich and changing the world.

Years after my struggle with how to dress in the world of work, the issue has surfaced once again - in my household.

My younger son, S, who is 16, proudly proclaimed one evening that he has a deep mistrust for anyone who dictates what people wear in different social settings.

The conversation revolved around his impending internship at a local artificial intelligence start-up, and he was teased by the family about his perpetually uncombed hair and grubby T-shirts paired with worn-out gym pants.

His point is that in high-performing tech companies, the focus is on substance over form. It is not how a person dresses that matters, but what that person can do behind a laptop. He followed up by saying that no matter how well dressed you are, if your code does not work, you still suck.

We immediately reminded him that how a person dresses for an important job interview might make the difference in him getting the job or not. S said if he had to dress up for a job interview, that is not a company he would want to work for.

Actually, we do not believe in power dressing in the Ang household.

While basic cleanliness and personal hygiene is a must, hair length and what clothing the boys wear have been left to them since they were young. A case in point is that my elder boy, R, 19, has had shoulder-length hair for the last three years - much to his grandmother's indignation.

Instead of how the boys dress, the focus in our family is on the skills that they possess and can demonstrate proficiency in.

Our boys were among the earliest users of online coding platform Code Academy, shortly after it was founded in 2011. There, they learnt the basics of Python programming, Java and website coding. They later moved on to other online learning platforms like Coursera and Udemy. For learning visual skills and musical skills, they have found YouTube to be a wonderful resource.

Sunday is Learning Day in our household, even during the school holidays. It usually takes the kids a few hours to finish their homework, after which they are free to explore acquiring new skills or applying the skills they have to their own projects.

These projects often extend beyond the digital world. We have several musical instruments at home for the boys to practise on, but as parents, we have made it a point never to nag them to do so.

The boys have commandeered a part of our Housing Board flat for space to undertake and store their half-done construction projects and tools. While some people call it a maker space, we call it a dump.

We discourage them from over-specialising in any single area, or learning a skill just because it is "popular". We prefer that they pick things they are passionate about and try as wide a range of skills as possible.

Since the boys were young, we have stressed to them how important it is to learn how to learn. We remind them that disruption is everywhere, and the skills they may be proficient in today may well be overtaken and disrupted by newer skills and technologies in the future.

They are reminded that completing a course does not mean that proficiency in a skill has been acquired. Head knowledge is far less valuable than demonstrable skills. A simple analogy is how food from a hawker who has spent thousands of hours behind the stove will always be superior to that of a home cook who has watched a few YouTube videos and claims mastery of the same dish.

I was encouraged to read a recent CNA interview with Mr Benny Se Teo, founder of restaurant chain Eighteen Chefs, about how he does not judge a book by its cover when it comes to hiring former offenders. He said that from his experience, he has found that how a person is dressed for an interview does not indicate how he will perform at work.

While the interview does not cover how Mr Se Teo selects his chefs, I strongly suspect that it boils down to their work ethic and demonstrable cooking skills.

Over the years, especially after I left EDB, I have gone back to wearing shorts and T-shirts in my personal time and cannot remember the last time I power dressed for any occasion.

Afterall, for me, it's skills that make a man (or woman), not the clothes one has on.

The writer is chief executive of a medical technology company and an adjunct associate professor at Nanyang Business School.

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Announcements for today

Dear all

Important updates for this week.

1) Please revise reading for English this weekend. It's very important that he or she knows at least the sight words.

2) McOnline assignments have been posted for 1a2. Please complete them when you are free.... they are not compulsory. I have assigned about 5 every few days. You can take your time to do them when you are free.
It is also appreciated if you can spend some time to go through some assignments everyday for revision.

NB:   I will be returning Unit 9 and 10 for revision early next week. It will be crucial to revise these 2 units  next weekend. 


3) Please bring the English and Maths file next week for filing.

4) Reading Interest Profile

Please do complete Pg 1-5 of the booklet. After that, get them to count their answers and fill in the boxes on  Pg 6.  If possible, pls explain and bring them to the NLB to search/borrow books based on their interest. (Pg8)
Finally, get them to write their name, class and profile on the bookmark at the back of the booklet. 

Do explain the use of a bookmark.

Things that have been completed in class for these past few days:

MLEA

Modified Learning Experiential experience. 

Based on the experience (e.g. the sandwich making and ice-cream party), they have been writing in groups. I have been correcting them and asking them for re-writing again. However, there are still quite a fair bit of transfer errors. These are errors that occur when they are copying from one draft to another draft. However, this is just the middle of the year. On the whole, I am very heartened by the efforts taken by the class in their writing. 

I will be returning to some of the students the draft and asking them to rewrite at home today. The rewriting was not done properly when I was marking the next draft. 

Please return the draft on this coming Monday 11 May 2015. 

Thanks/regards

Mdm Chan

Earth Week

Dear all,

Earth Week 2015 McOnline reflection

Where:

McOnline - Under Collaboration --> Discussions

Please complete under MC Online. Thanks.

Regards

Mdm Chan

Announcements on 2 July

Dear all,

Please note:
1) Spelling tomorrow will only have 8 phrases. The remaining 4 phrases and the dictation will be tested next Wednesday.

2) Normal Spelling will be on every Wednesday.

3) The first Maths test: Week 6 while the first English test is around week 5.

4) There is a Speech and Drama performance which all the parents are invited. This is held on 31 July (week 5), Thursday. Time: 0845 -- 0945.
An invite will be sent out shortly. Please RVSP and let me know how many of you will be coming on that day.


Thanks/regards
Mdm Chan

Misconception in quantifiers

Misconceptions in quantifiers: 

=======================

A quantifier is a word or phrase that is used before a noun to express quantity or amount. 

During one of the stellar topics, we had a discussion between some, several and many. 

Do note that some should be both countable and uncountable nouns. 

Hope the list clarifies. 

Holidays are almost over. I have set Maths practices in learnlogy starting next week. The next unit review is due in week 6. (National day holidays week) it will be a short week due to the celebrations on the 8th August. 

Cheers,

Mdm Chan